Trauma’s Hidden Effects
Understanding Trauma: What It Is and How It Affects Us
In recent years, “trauma” has become something of a buzzword. While it’s encouraging that more people are talking about it, the way we usually picture trauma can be misleading. Many imagine catastrophic events — war, natural disasters, or severe accidents — as the primary source. But this narrow view implies that trauma is only linked to rare or extreme situations.
In reality, trauma can also stem from more personal and long-lasting experiences: early relational wounds, chronic emotional neglect, or ongoing stressors that gradually erode a sense of safety. As Dr. Gabor Maté describes, trauma is less about the event itself and more about the lasting inner injury it leaves behind — a rupture or disconnection within the self. In his words: “Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you” (www.drgabormate.com).
From a neurological perspective, Dr. Bruce Perry defines trauma as “an experience that leads to a dysregulation of the stress response system” (www.bdperry.com). In other words, it’s not just a psychological wound — trauma also changes the way the brain and body react to stress, often long after the original event is over.
Different Types of Trauma
When we broaden our understanding of trauma beyond rare or catastrophic events, it becomes easier to see how it can show up in many forms. Not all trauma looks the same, and the impact can vary depending on the nature, timing, and duration of the experience. Mental health experts often describe several key categories:
Acute trauma – A one-time overwhelming event (e.g., accident, assault)
Chronic trauma – Repeated and prolonged exposure to distressing experiences (e.g., domestic violence, ongoing emotional abuse)
Complex trauma – Multiple and relational traumas, often beginning in childhood
Developmental trauma – Trauma occurring during critical stages of early development, often disrupting attachment and emotional regulation
Some examples of these more subtle or prolonged experiences include:
Being constantly criticised or emotionally invalidated
Living in a household with addiction or mental illness
Experiencing bullying, neglect, or a lack of secure attachment
Growing up feeling unsafe, unseen, or emotionally alone
Dr. Bruce Perry, co-author of What Happened to You?, reminds us: “Trauma literally reshapes both body and brain. This is why simply understanding what happened isn’t enough. Healing happens when we feel safe, regulated, and connected.”
How Trauma Impacts Mental Health and Adult Patterns
Trauma leaves a lasting imprint on the nervous system, shaping emotions, behaviours, relationships, and even physical health. It can affect:
Emotional regulation – Feeling easily overwhelmed, anxious, numb, or irritable
Relationships – Difficulty trusting, fear of abandonment, people-pleasing
Sense of self – Low self-worth, self-criticism, perfectionism
Physical health – Chronic stress, fatigue, headaches, digestive issues
Behaviour – Overworking, withdrawing, or using food, substances, or control to cope
As Babette Rothschild, author of The Body Remembers, explains: “The body remembers what the mind forgets. Trauma is stored not only in our thoughts but in our physiology.” Even when the conscious mind no longer dwells on the past, the body can react as if the danger is ongoing — keeping us in patterns that once kept us safe but may now hold us back.
Childhood trauma, in particular, often shapes coping strategies that persist into adulthood. While these patterns may have been protective at the time, they can create challenges in emotional wellbeing and relationships. For example, some common ways people cope include:
Hyper-independence – Avoiding reliance on others to prevent hurt or abandonment
Difficulty setting boundaries – Feeling unsafe or unfamiliar with saying no or asserting needs
People-pleasing – Prioritising others’ happiness at the expense of your own wellbeing
Excessive self-criticism – Harsh self-judgment rooted in early negative messages about worth
Over-apologising – Taking blame to avoid conflict or harm
Avoiding asking for help – Fearing being a burden or owing something in return
Overworking and perfectionism – Seeking worthiness through achievement or productivity
Overthinking social interactions – Replaying conversations and anticipating rejection
Difficulty recognising or expressing emotions – Minimising feelings due to early invalidation
Guilt over rest – Feeling undeserving of relaxation if productivity was tied to value
Chronic worry about being “too much” or “not enough” – Holding back needs for fear of rejection
Fear of abandonment – Anxiety about others leaving, even in safe situations
Healing Is Possible
Trauma is not a life sentence. With the right support, people can recover, reconnect, and build healthier patterns. As Dr. Maté puts it: “The essence of trauma is disconnection from the self. And the healing is reconnection.” Healing is often nonlinear — it takes time, patience, and kindness toward yourself. Every step toward understanding and connection is a meaningful part of the journey.
You might be wondering how therapy can support this healing process. Simply put, therapy provides a safe space to explore and rebuild connection in ways that feel manageable and empowering. It can help by:
Creating safety — learning how to feel grounded and regulated in your body
Understanding your story — making sense of how past experiences shaped you
Developing new patterns — building healthier boundaries, beliefs, and coping tools
Restoring connection — to yourself, your needs, and others
Trauma-informed therapies like somatic experiencing, EMDR, and relational therapy can offer tailored approaches to healing. Therapy offers a space to begin healing at your own pace — to be seen and heard — and to feel supported in making sense of your experiences. It’s a space where your story is held with compassion, not judgment.
You Don’t Have to Go Through It Alone
If you’re recognising yourself in this information, know that support is available. Whether your trauma feels big or small, clear or confusing — you deserve to feel safe, whole, and well. Reaching out for help is a brave and important first step. If you’d like to talk about how therapy might help, please get in touch.
Recommended Resources
If you’re someone who’s curious to learn more about trauma and its effects, these books by leading experts provide in-depth explanations and insights. While they offer valuable intellectual understanding, it’s important to remember that healing also involves human connection and support — something therapy can provide.
What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry — https://www.bdperry.com/books
The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Maté — https://drgabormate.com/book/
The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild — https://www.somatictraumatherapy.com/babettes-books/