Childhood Emotional Neglect
The Hurt You Can’t See
When we think of childhood difficulties, we often imagine visible events — abuse, conflict, or loss. But some of the most impactful childhood experiences are the ones that didn’t happen. Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is a term coined by psychologist Dr. Jonice Webb to describe a subtle yet powerful absence: the failure of parents or caregivers to notice, respond to, or validate a child’s emotional needs. Unlike physical neglect, CEN leaves no visible scars — which is why many people grow up unaware that it affected them.
What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect?
Childhood Emotional Neglect happens when a child's emotional needs are consistently overlooked, ignored, or dismissed by their caregivers. It’s not about active harm or abuse but rather about what didn’t happen — the lack of emotional support, attention, and validation that a child needs to feel seen, safe, and understood. CEN is different from physical neglect because there are usually no obvious signs or bruises. Instead, the wounds are invisible and often go unrecognized for years. Many adults who experienced CEN remember a childhood that seemed “fine” on the surface but feel disconnected, empty, or unsure of themselves inside.
There are many reasons why emotional neglect happens, and it doesn’t always mean parents didn’t love their child. Sometimes, parents themselves are struggling with challenges that make it hard for them to meet their child’s emotional needs. Dr. Jonice Webb identifies several common types of parents who might unintentionally emotionally neglect their children:
The Narcissistic Parent: Focused on their own needs and image, leaving little emotional space for the child.
The Authoritative Parent: Strict and controlling, often prioritizing rules over feelings.
The Permissive Parent: Emotionally uninvolved, leaving the child to fend for themselves.
The Bereaved Parent: Grieving a loss such as divorce or death, which limits emotional availability.
The Addicted Parent: Struggling with substance use or other addictions that distract from parenting.
The Depressed Parent: Experiencing their own emotional pain, making it hard to connect emotionally.
The Workaholic Parent: Prioritizing work above family connection and emotional presence.
The Parent with a Special Needs Family Member: Dividing their attention among family demands.
The Achievement- or Perfection-Focused Parent: Valuing success over emotional expression.
The Sociopathic Parent: Emotionally unavailable due to a lack of empathy or care.
The Child as a Parent: When a young or overwhelmed parent struggles with their own maturity or needs.
The Well-Meaning But Neglected Parent: Parents who want to be emotionally available but were never taught how.
Understanding these patterns helps explain why emotional neglect is so common and often unintentional — it’s frequently a byproduct of adults doing the best they can with their own limitations or life circumstances. Because emotional needs were not met, children grow up with little guidance on how to recognise, understand, or express their feelings. They may not realise what they missed because they never had a healthy model to compare to. This is why CEN is often called the “invisible wound” — it’s felt deeply but rarely named.
How CEN Shows Up in Adults
Because CEN is about what was missing rather than what was done, many adults only recognise its impact through feelings or patterns that seem confusing or hard to explain. Dr. Jonice Webb identifies several common themes in adults who have experienced CEN:
A deep feeling of emptiness or numbness inside, like something important is missing
Counter-dependence, meaning a strong resistance to relying on others or asking for help
An unrealistically harsh view of yourself — either feeling “not good enough” or trying to be perfect to cover up feelings of inadequacy
Having little compassion or kindness for yourself, even while caring deeply for others
Persistent guilt and shame or a nagging feeling of “What’s wrong with me?”
Turning anger and blame inward (self-directed anger), often without fully realising it
A belief in a “fatal flaw” — thinking there’s something fundamentally wrong or broken inside you
Fear of being truly known — worrying that if people really knew you, they wouldn’t like you
Difficulty nurturing or caring for yourself and sometimes others in a healthy way
Challenges with self-discipline or following through on goals
Alexithymia — difficulty recognising, naming, or understanding your own emotions, sometimes feeling disconnected from what you’re feeling
One relatable example of this is emotional withdrawal. Some adults who experienced CEN learned early on that speaking up when they felt hurt or upset was unsafe, unhelpful, or likely to lead to misunderstanding. Over time, silence became their default coping mechanism. It’s not that they have nothing to say — in fact, they may have long, clear conversations in their own mind, explaining exactly how they feel. But when the moment comes to speak, the words don’t come, so they stay quiet instead. On the outside, they may be labelled as shy, distant, or introverted. In reality, they can also be warm, funny, sarcastic, or even deliberately playful in safe environments — but their nervous system has learned that silence is safer in moments of vulnerability. Healing involves realising that their voice matters, that their feelings are valid, and that expressing themselves can lead to deeper connection rather than harm.
For some people with CEN, the emotions are clear internally but they don’t express them because they learned early on that their emotional needs would not be met — or might even be dismissed or criticised — if they shared them. For others, CEN makes it difficult to even recognise or understand what they are feeling in the first place, creating a core difficulty in emotional awareness that can make it hard to connect deeply with themselves or others.
If you’re wondering whether childhood emotional neglect might have affected you, you can take this free, confidential quiz developed by Dr. Jonice Webb to help identify signs of CEN in your life: https://drjonicewebb.com/cen-questionnaire/
The Good News — CEN Is Treatable
The emotional wounds caused by Childhood Emotional Neglect don’t have to define your life or your relationships. Healing is possible, and it begins with building a deeper understanding of your emotions and how they serve you.
Healing often involves:
Understanding the purpose and value of your emotions — recognising that feelings are important signals, not something to ignore or fear.
Learning how to identify and name your feelings so you can better understand your inner experience.
Accepting and trusting your own feelings as valid and worthy of attention.
Learning to express your feelings effectively, whether through words, actions, or creative outlets.
Recognising, understanding, and valuing emotions in your relationships — helping you connect more deeply with others.
Nurturing yourself with kindness and care, especially when you’re struggling.
Improving self-discipline and follow-through by creating healthy routines that support your wellbeing.
Developing self-soothing skills to calm and comfort yourself during emotional distress.
Cultivating compassion for yourself, replacing self-criticism with acceptance and encouragement.
A helpful way to begin this process is by gently tuning into your true self. Pay attention to what you like, dislike, what triggers your anger or fear, and where you feel challenged — all without judgment. Regularly ask yourself questions such as:
What is troubling me right now?
Why did I respond that way?
How am I feeling?
What do I want or need?
What fears or worries do I have?
What emotions like sadness, anger, or hurt are present?
These questions can be difficult, but simply bringing awareness to your feelings helps to break down the walls between you and your emotions. The goal is not to judge yourself for feeling a certain way, but rather to learn to accept, manage, and express your emotions in healthy ways. Remember, emotions themselves are neutral; it’s how we respond to them that shapes our experience.
Resources for Learning More
Dr. Jonice Webb’s books are an excellent place to start understanding and healing from CEN:
Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect — Explains what CEN is and how it affects adults
Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships — Focuses on healing CEN within family and romantic relationships
You can purchase these books online here: https://drjonicewebb.com/the-book/
Final Thoughts
If parts of this information resonated with you, know that you’re not alone — and nothing is “wrong” with you. Childhood Emotional Neglect isn’t a life sentence; it’s a pattern that can be understood, healed, and replaced with connection, self-worth, and emotional clarity. Therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to explore your emotional world, challenge old beliefs, and develop new ways of relating to yourself and others that promote healing and growth.