The Inner Critic
Why We All Have One and How to Quiet It
Do you ever find yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” “I should’ve done better,” or “Why can’t I just get this right?” If so, you’re not alone. Almost everyone carries an inner critic — that persistent voice inside our heads that judges, doubts, and criticizes us. For some, it’s a quiet whisper; for others, a loud and harsh commentator. This inner critic can chip away at our self-esteem, fuel perfectionism, and keep us stuck in self-doubt. But why do we all have this inner critic? And more importantly, how can we quiet it?
Why Do We All Have an Inner Critic?
At its core, the inner critic evolved as a survival mechanism. It’s designed to keep us safe by warning us against mistakes and failure. In childhood, this voice often forms as a result of the messages we receive from caregivers, teachers, or society — sometimes critical, sometimes well-meaning but unrealistic. Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, explains, “The inner critic reflects an attempt to motivate us by highlighting where we fall short — but instead of motivating, it often ends up hurting us.” Over time, the inner critic internalises the harsh messages we’ve heard and can become a relentless source of self-judgment.
The Impact of the Inner Critic on Mental Health and Self-Esteem
When the inner critic becomes overly strong or harsh, it can lead to negative mental health outcomes like anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Perfectionism often grows out of trying to silence this critic — we push ourselves harder and harder to avoid the “failure” the inner voice warns about, but ironically this only fuels the critical voice further. Brené Brown, researcher on vulnerability and shame, says it well: “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.”
Signs You Have a Strong Inner Critic
You often catch yourself blaming or judging your choices harshly.
Compliments or praise feel uncomfortable or undeserved.
Fear of failure keeps you stuck or procrastinating.
You set extremely high, sometimes impossible, standards for yourself.
You replay mistakes in your head long after they happen.
You compare yourself to others and often come up short in your own mind.
You feel guilty for taking breaks or doing things just for enjoyment.
You focus more on what you didn’t do well than what you did achieve.
You struggle to celebrate your wins because you “could have done better.
How to Quiet the Inner Critic: Practical Steps
The first step in quieting your inner critic is simply to become aware of when it shows up. Notice the thoughts and feelings it stirs without immediately reacting or trying to push it away. Awareness creates distance, helping you realise these critical voices are just thoughts—not facts. From there, practicing self-compassion is key. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend who is struggling. When the inner critic starts to speak, gently challenge its harsh judgments by asking whether they are truly fair or accurate, and look for evidence that contradicts those negative messages. Techniques like mindfulness and grounding can help you stay present and reduce the emotional charge that comes with self-criticism. Another powerful way to manage your inner critic is to externalize it—writing about its messages or even composing a letter to this inner voice can give you valuable insight and help you build a healthier relationship with it. And remember, sometimes the inner critic is deeply rooted in past experiences or trauma, so seeking professional support can provide a safe space to explore and heal these wounds.
You Can Quiet the Inner Critic
Remember, your inner critic developed as a misguided attempt to protect you. It can be softened and quieted through kindness, awareness, and practice. As Bob Stahl, mindfulness teacher and author, reminds us, “We don’t need to believe everything our mind tells us. We can learn to recognize the inner critic for what it is — just thoughts, not facts.” If your inner critic feels overwhelming, you don’t have to face it alone. Support is available to help you build a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself.